When I
arrived in Tarija, Bolivia in April 1977 as a young missionary there were five
people at Church on Sunday—two sister missionaries, my companion and me, and
one 18-year old young single adult sister. Many months before I arrived, there
were two thriving branches in the city. I was told that during a meeting a
difference of opinion over doctrine led to an argument and ultimately erupted
into a fistfight. Virtually all of the once faithful members left the church
that day and stayed away. In time, with the inestimable help of the Lord, we
were able to rebuild the congregations. But it was a stark lesson to me that
differences of strongly held opinions can inflame emotions to the point that once
believing souls leave the Church.
I
witnessed a similar situation on a historical society’s website where an
affable academic debate deteriorated into ad hominem and name-calling. Otherwise
intelligent individuals became angry over a difference of opinion. Our emotions
are so naturally intertwined with our personal opinions, particularly when it
comes to religion. Differences of opinion can cause feelings of brotherly
kindness to fade and open the way for doubt to spontaneously emerge before we
can reconcile our differences.
Jesus
Chirst witnessed this phenomenon when He taught the people to believe on Him. A
debate developed because of the diverse opinions about the Savior and, as John
records, “there was a division among the people because of him…and every man
went unto his own house.”[1]
I have
found it hard in my life on occasion to accept another’s point of view,
especially when doing so means I may have to admit I was wrong. That experience
can be embarrassing and engender a desire to disassociate from the Church, even
if we still believe it is true.
Another
occurrence, perhaps more common than we’d like to think, is experiencing interactions
with Church leaders that leave us unsettled or hurt. Before the festering
feelings are soothed, we begin to doubt the need for our membership in the
Church and question the benefit of mingling with other Saints. Along this line
of thinking, President Gordon B. Hinckley related the following experience:
Sixty-three years ago,
while serving as a missionary in the British Isles, my companion and I taught,
and it was my pleasure to baptize, a young man. He was well educated. He was
refined. He was studious. I was so proud of this gifted young man who had come
into the Church. I felt he had all of the qualifications someday to become a
leader among our people.
…He was given a small
responsibility in the branch in London. He knew nothing of what was expected of
him. He made a mistake. The head of the organization where he served was a man
I can best describe as being short on love and strong on criticism. In a rather
unmerciful way, he went after my friend who had made the simple mistake.
The young man left our
rented hall that night smarting and hurt by his superior officer. He said to
himself, “If that is the kind of people they are, then I am not going back.”
He drifted into
inactivity.
…The years passed. I
grew older as did he. He retired from his work and moved to Switzerland. On one
occasion when I was in Switzerland, I went out of my way to find the village
where he lived. We spent the better part of a day together—he, his wife, my
wife, and myself. We had a wonderful time, but it was evident that the fire of
faith had long since died. I tried every way I knew, but I could not find a way
to rekindle it. I continued my correspondence. I sent him books, magazines,
recordings of the Tabernacle Choir, and other things for which he expressed
appreciation.
He died a few months
ago. His wife wrote me to inform me of this. She said, “You were the best
friend he ever had.”
Tears coursed my cheeks
when I read that letter. I knew I had failed. Perhaps if I had been there to
pick him up when he was first knocked down, he might have made a different
thing of his life. I think I could have helped him then. I think I could have
dressed the wound from which he suffered. I have only one comfort: I tried. I
have only one sorrow: I failed.[2]
It is true that when Church leaders lead in “any degree
of unrighteousness” their leadership style tends to “persecute the saints.”[3]
While it is vital that leaders lead with a special combination of love and
doctrinal accuracy, perhaps we would be more apt to remain faithful to the Lord
and stay in His Church if we remembered that neither leaders nor members are
perfect. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland reminded us of this:
Be kind regarding human
frailty—your own as well as that of those who serve with you in a Church led by
volunteer, mortal men and women. Except in the case of His only perfect
Begotten Son, imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must
be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we. And when
you see imperfection, remember that the limitation is not in the divinity of
the work.[4]
The
prolific author and speaker, Sheri Dew, once told of her splendid as well as
bewildering experiences with priesthood and auxiliary leaders and then
recounted some wise counsel she had received from an apostle:
Years ago, Elder Marvin J. Ashton of the Quorum
of the Twelve said to me in a moment of private mentoring, “Sheri, don’t ever
allow yourself to be offended by someone who is learning his job.” It took a
while for me to realize how comprehensive his counsel was, because as lay
servant-leaders whose jobs rotate regularly, most of us are often in the
process of “learning our jobs.” Elder Ashton’s wisdom has helped me look past
difficult episodes and learn from rather than agonize over them.[5]
I was
once in a meeting with Elder Jay E. Jensen who, upon hearing me acknowledge
that I had made a mistake on a project, simply said to me, “Don’t you just hate
it when your mortality shows.” It was a simple reminder, from a graciously
loving leader who I esteemed highly, that we are all mortals and will, from
time to time, make mistakes. The reality of our mortality should help us be
more tolerant and forgiving toward one another, including, and maybe especially,
toward the leaders of the Church.
You
might be able to use the counsel from Elders Holland, Ashton, and Jensen to
help your doubting friends and family realize that imperfect people in the
Church do not negate its truthfulness. Lovingly explain that it is better to
persevere through persecution than to leave the very organization the Lord provided
for them to gain eternal life. No other organization on earth has the
priesthood authority, nor the fullness of the gospel as explained in the Book
of Mormon, nor living prophets, etc. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints is “the only true and living church upon the face of the earth.”[6]
That is not a statement stemming from an arrogant attitude. It’s from the Lord
after all. But it does underscore the need for all of us to believe in and stay
with God’s divinely restored Church, even if some of its members and leaders are
less than Christlike.
Leaving
the Church is not the answer. Figure out how you can lovingly and kindly help people
who are doubting because of troubling encounters with others understand that
leaving the Church will not help. This will be hard for them because you are
basically asking them to continue to mingle with the very people that hurt
them. But, Brigham Young provided a great perspective about staying in the
Church by likening the Church to a ship in the ocean when a storm arises:
We are on the “Old Ship Zion.” We are in the
midst of the ocean. A storm comes on, and, as sailors say, she labors very
hard. “I am not going to stay here,” says one; “I don’t believe this is the
‘Ship Zion.’” “But we are in the midst of the ocean.” “I don’t care, I am not
going to stay here.” Off goes the coat, and he jumps overboard. Will he not be
drowned? Yes. So with those who leave this Church. It is the “Old Ship Zion,”
let us stay in it.[7]
You
might try helping your family and friends who have been hurt by the words or
behavior of a Church leader to find strength in realizing that the Savior, too,
had to mingle constantly with people who hurt Him, including the church leaders
of His day. While He did not entrust himself to everyone,[8]
He had to associate regularly, including on the Sabbath, with those who mistreated
Him.[9]
The
Savior warned his apostles that they would be scourged and beaten in their own
church buildings.[10]
Jesus himself was severely persecuted on the Sabbath and in the synagogues for
teaching the truth and doing good deeds. On one occasion the synagogue’s
congregants “were offended in him.”[11]
On another occasion, after the Savior healed a man on the Sabbath in a church
building, some sought to “destroy him.”[12]
If that is not inconceivable enough, on still another occasion, and this time in
His hometown, He interpreted Isaiah (an utter miracle in and of itself!) and
bore a powerful testimony of His divine Sonship. Tragically, His neighbors and
fellow-churchgoers not only deflected the spirit of the sermon, but were
“filled with wrath…and thrust him out of the city, and led him unto the brow of
the hill whereon their city was built, that they might cast him down headlong.”[13]
After
all this and more, which occurred almost weekly, Jesus continued faithfully attending
church. Each week, despite how He was perceived and treated by other so-called friends
and church members, He showed up to worship God. As in all things, He set the
example for those of us who have been mistreated or offended by church leaders
or members. He literally practiced what he preached: “Love your enemies, bless
them that curse you, do good to them that hate you and pray for them which
despitefully use you and persecute you.”[14]
It
might help, when doubt arises because we feel persecuted by leaders or other
members, to compare the infinitesimally great antagonism the Savior endured to
the negligible unfriendliness we occasionally encounter. My own endurance mettle
is reinvigorated when I look “unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith;
who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame”
of it. When we “consider him that endured such contradiction of sinners against
himself” we are able to avoid being “wearied and faint in [our] minds.” With
this special type of Christ-centered introspection we quickly realize that we
“have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin” as Jesus so faithfully
and willingly did.[15]
Besides,
where will we go if we leave the Church? At a time when “many of his disciples
went back, and walked no more with him” Jesus asked His twelve apostles, “Will
ye also go away?” You must find a way, find the reasoning, and prayerfully seek
for the words to help your loved ones who are troubled with doubt answer the
way Peter did: “Lord, to whom shall we go? Thou hast the words of eternal
life.”[16]
God has entrusted The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints not only with
the words of eternal life, but with God’s priesthood authority to perform sacred
saving ordinances. Together, these God-given forces for good will save the
whole world from all its ills. Why would anyone want to leave the Church,
knowing this? Where else would one find salvation and happiness even though we
may be in the momentary midst of a few discourteous and insensible members?
Additional
courage to persevere in the Church after disheartening interactions with
members and leaders has come to me by reading, on a regular basis, Paul’s counsel
to the Saints in Rome when he advised them to “live peaceably with all men” and
then recommended:
“Avenge not yourselves, but rather give place
unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
Therefore, if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for
in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil,
but overcome evil with good.”[17]
It
might seem like a bit of an odd perspective, but it inspires me to remain
faithful to the Lord and stay active in His Church when I remember that
returning good for evil is like heaping “coals of fire” on the head of the one
who persecuted me. While at first this may seem cruel, it is actually a good
thing. Coals of fire are used to purify, refine, and to make more pliable in
order to shape metal into something useful. It is another way of saying that my
Christlike behavior, in the face of persecution from leaders or others, can
actually help them to be purified, refined, and made more pliable before the
Lord so He has a better chance of helping change their behavior. If I “let [my]
light so shine before men, that they may see [my] good works,”[18]
especially when I experience mistreatment, they just might be more willing to alter
their behavior toward me, and others.
President
Boyd K. Packer once warned that we would, “see many things that will try [our]
courage and test [our] faith. All of the mocking does not come from outside of
the Church. Let me say that again: All of the mocking does not come from
outside of the Church.”[19]
Remind your friends and loved ones who doubt that some adversity will be
generated within the Church. While not ideal, it is nonetheless something we
must all apparently accept. But, perhaps knowing that internal mocking is
inevitable, our friends and loved ones will be less surprised and shocked,
which in turn may help them defend against doubt that may beckon them to
believe less and become less active.
[1]
John 7:43 (37–53).
[3]
Doctrine and Covenants 121:36–38.
[4] “Lord, I Believe,” Ensign, May 2013, p. 94.
[5] Women and the Priesthood: What One Mormon Woman Believes, [2013],
Chapter 6, electronic version.
[6] Doctrine
and Covenants 1:30.
[7] Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Brigham Young, [1997],
82–83; see also Discourses of Brigham
Young, p. 85.
[8] John
2:24; footnote 24a tells us that the original Greek word could also be
translated as “entrust.”
[9] John
5:16.
[10]
Matthew 10:17; Mark 13:9.
[11]
Matthew 13:54-58.
[12]
Matthew 12:1, 9-14.
[13] Luke 4:15-30.
[14]
Matthew 5:44.
[15]
Hebrews 12:2–4.
[16] John
6:66–69.
[17]
Romans 12:19–21.
[18]
Matthew 5:16; 3 Nephi 12:16.
[19]
“Lehi’s Dream and You,” BYU Devotional, January 16, 2007; https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/packer-boyd-k_lehis-dream/;
see also New Era, January 2015, p. 5.
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