How did the Savior treat people who were doubting? Part 2 of 3

The Savior Responded Immediately

Several years ago I received a phone call from a mother whose young single adult son doubted the Church and had stopped attending regularly. At her request, I contacted the young man and arranged to meet with him. He was kind enough to accept the invitation. As our discussion progressed, it was evident that he had become imbalanced in his study habits. He was spending most, if not all, of his time studying material written by those who opposed the Church and very little, if any, of his time studying material produced by the Church, especially the scriptures and the teachings of living prophets. He was so entrenched in learning from literature against the Church that there seemed to be an impenetrable barrier that no amount of reasoning could breach.

I could also see that he had allowed too much time to pass and too much negative and skewed information to gain a strangle-hold on his spirituality. While he saw himself as having become more enlightened and free from the “foolish” notions taught in the Church (this was his perspective), I could see an unfortunate example of one whose testimony was eclipsed by the philosophies and reasoning of men. He reminded me of those who “when they are learned, they think they are wise, and they hearken not unto the counsel of God, for they set it aside, supposing they know of themselves.” In these cases, as with my young adult friend, “their wisdom is foolishness and it profiteth them not.” [1]

I learned from this experience that we cannot let too much time pass before we decide to help someone in doubt. Parents and friends of those who are experiencing doubts must respond as soon as possible, before the clear waters of spiritual reasoning can be clouded with an imbalance of misinformation and sophistry. I am not advocating that we don’t allow people to study differing opinions, even opinions that speak against the Church. This attitude strikes me as a type of “book burning” mentality that is, I believe, not acceptable to the Lord. In our search for truth we must be free to search as far and as wide as is necessary to find the truth God has bestowed on the human family. What I am advocating is that we respond to those experiencing doubts as soon as possible, before the murky mists of darkness dwarf the light of Christ.

Let’s revisit the story of Peter sinking in the sea to see how the Savior responded when His friend was in doubt:

And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?[2]

Did you notice the adjective and the action verb used to describe the Savior’s response to Peter’s cry for help? “Immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand.” That is how we should respond to those who experience doubts. We ought to immediately stretch forth our rescuing-hand.

People with doubts tend to wait too long to seek help. “Some might feel embarrassed or unworthy,” said President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “because they have searching questions regarding the gospel.”[3] Others think they will be judged for having such doubts and questions. People who feel unworthy or who want to avoid being judged by others may not, like Peter, cry for help.

Peter physically experienced the “boisterous” wind and engulfing waves. This may have made it easier for him to recognize his need for help. However, the intangible winds and waves that engulf faith and testimony in our day are not so easily recognized. Those who experience doubts may not readily notice the spiritually harmful effect of their doubts.

When we sense that a friend or loved one is experiencing doubts, don’t wait to offer genuine help. When we see the signs of someone doubting (irregular church attendance, sporadic scripture study, sullenness or lack of excitement about the Church, negative, skeptical, or even cynical comments toward the Church or its leaders), our response should be like the Savior’s; we should stretch forth a compassionate helping-hand and do so immediately.

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[1] 2 Nephi 9:28–29.

[2] Matthew 14:29–31.

[3] Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “The Reflection in the Water,” CES Fireside for young adults at BYU, November 1, 2009.

How did the Savior treat people who were doubting? Part 1 of 3

The Savior Showed Compassion

I love to read the stories of Peter in the New Testament. He showed enduring commitment striding with imprudent impetuosity. His faithfulness kept pace with his overzealousness. As the events of his life unfold in the scriptures, I see a person yearning to follow the Savior and willing to accept the refinement offered by Him. One particular episode exhibits Peter’s exuberance and demonstrates Christ’s compassion.

Jesus was preaching in Nazareth, His hometown. The people were “astonished” at His “wisdom” and “mighty works” because they saw Him as nothing more than another child in the neighborhood. Rather than being impressed by the growth, maturity, and spirituality of “the carpenter’s son,” they were “offended” by Him. Consequently, the Savior “did not many mighty works there because of their unbelief.”[1]

While being misjudged by the hometown crowd, Jesus received devastating news that broke his heart. John the Baptist had been beheaded by the order of Herod. Jesus sought solitude and “departed thence by a ship into a desert place apart.” When people learned of His whereabouts they “followed him on foot out of the cities.”[2] Although this was a time of grief for the Savior, when He saw the multitude He “was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick” and miraculously provided food for the crowd of more than 5000 (Matthew 14:14). At this point in the story, Jesus sent the twelve apostles ahead in a ship while He dismissed the multitude. Afterward, the Savior again sought a moment of private prayer in a mountain. By the “fourth watch of the night” (sometime between 4:00 and 6:00 am) the Savior came walking on the water to the ship, which was “tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary.”[3] Here is the part of the story where a grief-stricken Christ showed compassion in Peter’s moment of doubt:

And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear. But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid. And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?[4]

I suppose the Savior could have left the sinking Peter to struggle in order to teach him a lesson. But He didn’t. He immediately and compassionately “stretched forth His hand, and caught him.” Elder Neal A. Maxwell eloquently described what ought to be our compassionate response to others in distress, “When, for the moment, we ourselves are not being stretched on a particular cross, we ought to be at the foot of someone else’s—full of empathy and proffering spiritual refreshment.”[5] This is how the Savior responded. He showed compassion, not just during times of convenience, but while He was grief-stricken and dejected, and even more touching toward the end of his life, while He Himself was being stretched on a cross.[6]

When we see a loved one struggling with doubt, we should respond with compassion, just as the Savior did when Peter doubted. Elder Richard G. Scott reminded us of the power of showing compassion and love to others when we want to help them:

We must be sure to sincerely love those we want to help in righteousness so they can begin to develop confidence in God’s love.

…Remember, loving them is the powerful foundation for influencing those you want to help.

As a companion to that love, trust them. In some cases it may seem difficult to trust, but find some way to trust them…Every child of God in mortality chose the Savior’s plan. Trust that given the opportunity, they will do so again.[7]

Compassion, love, and trust are key qualities of a Christ-like character. A compassionate, loving, and trusting response to those who are doubting can go a long way in helping them work through their doubts. People experiencing doubts often feel unworthy or sinful. Showing compassion, rather than being judgmental, can give them confidence that they are ok, that they have someone who understands and who will patiently walk beside them as they work through their troubling doubts. Jesus compassionately treated those who were experiencing doubts. We should follow His example.

Our compassion toward those who are doubting can be brought to the forefront of our behavior by remembering two things. First, doubts are evidence of belief. A person must believe in something in order to have a doubt about it. Second, as Elder Scott counsels, the person with doubts once chose to follow God’s plan. Therefore, we can trust that our loved ones who are doubting still possess a spark of belief and, consequently, may still be inclined to once again choose God’s plan just as they did in premortality.

Compassion stems from understanding. The more we know about the person and understand their circumstances, the more compassion we’ll have for their struggle with doubt. People don’t just wake up one morning and decide to leave the Church. President Dieter F. Uchtdorf taught “Some of our dear members struggle for years with the question whether they should separate themselves from the Church.”[8] Those years can be agonizing and our compassion can help ease their agony.

In the summer of 2013, just after I gave a presentation at BYU Education week on dealing with doubts, I received a phone call from a man who had left the Church. He had seen a news article about my presentation and wanted to share his experiences with me. He told me that it took him years to decide to leave the Church. He remained active in attending church but was inactive in his beliefs about the truthfulness of the Church. He described to me how he agonized for years over whether or not he should leave the Church. The Church was not only his religion, but it was his culture, his history, his personality, and indeed a part of who he was. Can you imagine the anguish and distress this type of decision caused him?

We don’t want anyone to leave the Church, especially at those critical moments of doubt when there is so much in the Church that could help. But, it may come to the unfortunate point when, as we’ve been reminded by President Uchtdorf, we must respect the agency of those who doubt. “It may break our hearts,” he said, “when their journey takes them away from the Church we love and the truth we have found, but we honor their right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their own conscience, just as we claim that privilege for ourselves.”[9] Let’s do all we can to help those experiencing doubts before they get to that point.

The story of the man on the phone is an unfortunate one. I pray that it is an anomaly to our general behavior as Saints. He related to me some of the things that happened once he decided to leave the Church. He knew he was not being faithful to the covenants he made in the temple and so he worried that wearing the temple garment was hypocritical. When he decided to stop wearing the garment, he was criticized by at least one member for being hypocritical. This was surely a difficult “no-win” situation for him.

He recounted how, once he stopped attending church, the behavior of his family and neighbors who were members of the Church changed. His children were not invited to family activities, he was no longer invited to neighborhood golf outings, and anonymous persons left Church magazines, with specific articles marked for him to read, on his doorstep in the night. He described one Christmas season when an empty plate wrapped in plastic with a card was left on his doorstep. The note on the card read something like, “Just as this plate is empty of sweet-tasting treats, so you’re eternity will be empty of sweet things if you remain inactive.” None of these behaviors helped. All of them made it easier for my phone-calling friend to stay away from those he once thought were his friends and the Church he once embraced.

Hopefully, this kind of episode in the history of our collective behavior as members of the Lord’s Church is rare. The Savior withheld judgment and criticism and showed compassion to those who were doubting, and we should too.

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[1] Matthew 13:54–55, 58.

[2] Matthew 14:13.

[3] Matthew 14:24–25.

[4] Matthew 14:26–31.

[5] Neal A. Maxwell, “Endure It Well,” Ensign, May 1990, p. 33.

[6] John 19:25–27.

[7] Richard G. Scott, “I Have Given You an Example,” Ensign, May 2014, pp. 33–34.

[8] Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Come, Join with Us,” Ensign, November 2013, p. 22.

[9] Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Come, Join with Us,” Ensign, November 2013, 22.